A Point of Reflection

I have been in Cameroon for only 4 and a half months, 11 weeks of which was training.  The thought of returning home and ending my service had run through my mind once or twice before, usually that happens every time someone decides to leave.  However, my post mate asked me, "If you go home, are you going to come back?"  I said, "Well, yes, why wouldn't I?"  So I went to bed with that question lingering in my head.  Then, I was awoken at 4 a.m. for the call to prayers from all directions, every mosque in my neighborhood had turned their loud speakers past 10 to 11, so it seemed.  Then after that stopped, the roosters started to make their own call to prayer.  One rooster would crow as loud as it could a minimum of 10 times with a pause of one and a half measures between each crow, and just like the mosques, all the roosters in the surrounding neighborhood followed suit.  I am therefore led to wonder what came first, the chicken or the mosque.  This is still going on actually, neither group will end their public announcements, and I am still awake because of it.  Which led me to reflect on the question my post mate asked me.  At first I had thought just as before, go and come back, no big deal.  Then I started to ask myself, what if I didn't come back?  Would I miss cold showers, limited variety of food (not really that good either), dust, rain, difficult travel, crowded bush taxis, train rides.  Would slipping back into anonymousness be a bad thing? 

Then I began to think of what I have been doing here thus far.  I have been teaching 12 hours a week and have started a library project for the school.  When I say started, I really mean I have thought about it, written a proposal for the principal, and that's about it.  The rest of the time I spend in my house either asleep, cleaning and doing laundry, or wasting time by watching movies. They say the first 3 months are the hardest and I believe it.  I've been trying to adjust to and understand the school system here.  I'm frustrated and do not understand how anyone can expect someone learn a language if there are 100 students in every class.  Perhaps 10 percent of the students actually have the text book, which isn't really a practical text book for learning English in my opinion. 

I joined Peace Corps because I thought it would be good for my career.  I'm sure that if I finish my service it will be.  However, is it good for me?  I can now remove my jeans simply by unbuckling my belt, I guess if you can't lose weight by dieting then you should join the Peace Corps or come to Africa.  Are there other roads I can take to achieve the same thing?  Perhaps.  Although, life may be easier if I had a clear idea of what I want to achieve. 

Now, it's later on in the evening, the loud speakers have started once again.  Seems fitting though, that they are going on when I am writing this like I was this morning.  I think the rain will hinder the roosters from starting competition this time.  This morning I think I was pretty close to going home and staying.  If I go back to the U.S. right now, I don't think I would come back.  Not after having lived here for this short time.  Before it was a mystery, now it no longer is.  I expect setbacks and frustrating circumstances, what sane person would come back to this when they could live somewhere else?  Yet, there are times when it's easy and fun to be here.  I named this blog Brilliance or Madness; there is definitely an unclear border between the two, just like there is an unclear border that separates the parts of me that want to stay from the parts that want to leave.    

I've decided to stay here though and see what unfolds next.